This year made me realize lots of things. This year got me closer to the person that I think God intended me to be.
The first few months of this year started well. And as I continue browsing through the other pages, I've seen some torn out pages that I still need to find the missing pieces. I've seen some folded pages that dare me to unfold it. As I unfolded some pages, there are some that made me regret opening it, but, eventually, I've come to a point where I thanked myself for having the courage to unfold it. I can escape that page and prompt to the next page that was already open, but, moving on to the next page, I might leave out something good. Who knows, that folded pages were the ones that contained the best part of the story.
365 pages were all read and another 365 pages are starting to unfold. But, before going on to the next chapter, let me just share with you some learnings and realizations that I had throughout the entire 2014.
Of course, family always comes first. They are the ones who annoy you without them even knowing it. And at the same time, you can be annoying to them, in a ways you didn't know. That's exactly how it goes. They can be sometimes irritating to you, but you can also be irritating to them. Simple logic. After all, whose family is perfect? But at the end of the day, they are still the ones who you desire to be with. You will get sad if they are sad, and you will feel happy once you hear them laugh, an indication that they are happy. They are still the ones who you want to share laughter with. The ones you want to partake in the best times of your life. The ones who occupy the biggest part of your heart and plays a vital part of your life. Without them, I am nothing and nowhere. That's just how it works. Exactly like what I have read somewhere, "you can choose your friends, but you cannot choose your family." Families are there to make you the person God wants you to be. This year, one thing I learned is that, it is not always about me. It is not always about what I feel. I should also be sensitive to the people around me. Another thing is that, I should choose carefully the battles that I'm going to take, or I should choose carefully all the thoughts that I'm going to let inside my mind. I should not waste my time thinking and creating problem that wasn't even there, in the first place. Your friends may leave, but your family will forever be there.
This year, it made me closer to God, and trust Him genuinely. A year where I discovered who and what really matters.
Throughout this year, it made me realize that I should do something not because it is easy, but because, it's the proper thing to do. We always learn through the hard way. That's what makes a great sailor, sailing through rough ocean.
Friends are the kind family that you choose to be with. Some stick around while some went away and you cannot control their decisions. You hold no control over anyone. You cannot force them into something that you're the only one who wanted it in the first place. You are now on your own different worlds. As I browse on the news feed on my Facebook account, I read something that was truly a little bit under the weather. "Sometimes, we need to appreciate the presence of our friends, whether we see them often or talk at times.. cause one day when you look back and see this picture, you will realize they've left you with another set of friends and they found new set of friends," I've read this from my cousin. And, the quotation says it all. I've discovered how to be happy in my own little way. I discovered that going on a movie house and watching a movie alone isn't that bad. I found out how to create my own sunshine for some point of time.
"If it's not meant to be, it wouldn't be," no matter how hard I pray and try. I constantly pray to have a job. It's tough to admit, but, every time I saw my former classmates having their own work, earning their own money, buying something that they want and going to different places, I get jealous of them and made me question myself, "when will I'm going to get my dreams come true?" But, eventually, I have learned how to just let things go and trust God that He is currently preparing me for something big. I'm an impatient person and He wants to teach me the art of "patience." I should not hurry into anything. When the time is right, I'm going to get everything that I hoped for, but, not now. Everything in God's perfect timing. I learned how to live in the moment and take one step at a time. I'm still young and I should be living the best time of my life. I should not stress myself out in obtaining a job. The time will come that the job I'm looking for will be the one looking for me. That's the spirit, right? I'm just too fed up with piles of rejections. It made me appreciate more everything and everyone around me, which I did less from the past. I just find it amazing that the best time of my life does not happen yet. It made me look forward to waking up each and every day reckoning that, that day might be my lucky day.
I remember I wrote it on one of my journals, because I am writing there every year about the things that I want to have or achieve. And I wrote there, not to expect anything and simply go with the flow. At first, I thought I won't be able to make it happen, because I'm really a woman full of expectations. But, eventually, I never knew that I'm beginning to live by that mantra. It's actually a good reminder for my whole lifetime that I should strictly follow. It's a good thing not to expect anything from anyone. I merely want to be surprised with everything. And as I was browsing on the last few pages left, surprisingly, I received things that I never expected. I never asked to have those things, nor invest to buy it. But, to my surprise, through someone, God rewarded me with those things. Through that, it made me think that, perhaps, I did something good from the past that made me have and deserve those things. Therefore, I guess, I should continue doing lots of good things, not because I want something in return. But, because, it's right thing to do and I am making Him happy by doing good things.
I should not conceive of doing something in favor of anyone or in favor of myself, instead, I should do it for Him.
2014, thank you for a wonderful year. It is indeed a one roller coaster ride. You made me cry, but you also made me laugh. Thank you for making me realize that life truly doesn't have to be perfect. We have no control over anything. We can only plan things, but we have no assurance that it would come to reality. It is not bad to feel sad once in a while. It is not the situation that make us sad, it is how we react with different situation that life throws us. It's only about a matter of perspective. It's how we see things and how we let them affect us.
To some, they call 2014 the "Year of the Wooden Horse," for me, 2014 is the "Year of Realization and Appreciation."
So... 2105, I'm more than ready for you, let's get it on. Let's see what you have for me. 2015 is going to be my year, cause it's the "Year of the Sheep."
Another 365 pages to fill in. 2015, let's just enjoy each other's company. Okay???
One more thing. I also learned that happiness isn't something that you fake. It is a genuine feeling that will come out of your heart naturally without forcing your mind or your heart.