Every moment in my life was embarrassing. LOL. Just kidding.
I really had numerous of bloopers in my life and it was all totally embarrassing. You know the feeling when you really want to get away and never come back at all. The feels.
Of all the embarrassing moments that happened in my life, this one that I'm going to share here was totally the worst one.
This happened when I was still in high school. Fourth year high school to be exact. That moment when I already want to drop out. Everytime that I went to school was a torture that time. I had a professor who belongs to the third sex, as to where he categorizes himself. He was also my professor when I was in my second year. But he was so serious that time, that everytime he gets into our classroom, none of us dares to talk. That's how terror he was. But when he became my professor in my fourth year, something has changed. Yes, he was still the terror type, but, that time, he already throws some jokes and make fun of his students. And I was one of the "victim."
One time, we were taking our exam and he was roaming around to check whoever is copying from one another. And abruptly, he stopped when he was beside me and held some strand of my hair. And he said, "kelan ang libing," so my classmates laugh after hearing that, after they got what he's trying to convey. I must admit that my hair that time was actually bad. The aftermath of rebonding, so you might as well can imagine what it looks like. And I'm not wearing any ponytail way back then. My hair really looks so terrible and I can't blame him and my classmates for making fun of it. It looks so dry, coarse and thick, it was really a total mess. It was a complete and total disaster. So ever since then, I don't want to attend his class anymore. I began to hate Tuesdays. Our subject was Economics and we only meet every Tuesdays and Thursdays, but we have two meetings every Tuesday cause our class was a whole day so we take in two meetings, morning and afternoon. Everytime he goes into our classroom, I always prepared myself that he and my classmates will be making fun of me again. And I will be again become the center of their attention. I was constantly praying for his absence. That's why I felt happy and relieved everytime he was absent. He was my biggest dilemma that time, he and my classmates. Simply by seeing them, I already felt total awkwardness.
That was the time that I really felt embarrassed. I actually felt bad about myself. Everytime I go to school, not only in his class, was a torture. I always pray that the school days would end already so that I can already graduate and he cannot make fun of me anymore and I would be out of sight by my classmates. I may only see him twice a week, but I constantly saw my classmates everyday of my fourth year high school life. The reason why I already want to quit school.
I truly hate to be the center of attention. With whatever reason it is, I actually don't want the attention of others to be focused on me. Ever since then, I lost my confidence and every time I entered our classroom, I always think that their attention was in me and they were always laughing behind me. They proved me that not all the people who act nice in front of me was really nice, they may act nicely, but they would still end up laughing at me everytime they are with their friends. I felt so alone that time, I felt like I have no one that I can call as a friend because they were always laughing at me.
Everytime I saw my high school graduation picture, it reminds me of something. Because during that shoot, I heard one of my classmates shouting "David Salon" when it was my turn for a take. He kept on saying it over and over again. Luckily, I saw whose voice it was, together with my other classmate they were secretly laughing while staring at me, they may be thinking that I didn't see them laughing at me. But I did. That's why I wasn't able to smile at my best during that time. I did my best to give my best smile, but everytime I see them, I just can't and it made me wanna run and never come back. And I will never ever forget them. Everytime I see them it just reminds me of one of the toughest and most embarrassing moment in my life.
And when I entered College, the only thing that I prayed was not to have any classmate from my high school. Because I want my college days to become a fresh start, a start of something new and I just want to consider my fourth year high school days as my worst nightmare. As much as possible I don't want to run into any of my former high school classmates. I really want to forget those times. But unfortunately, destiny was really playful, one of my former high school classmates happened to be one of my classmates again in college. Like.... Seriously. Can I just forget that chapter of my life already? Can I simply move on already?
It was just recently that I learned how to choose wisely the people and battles that I'm going to give a portion of my mind. I should let go of the past. I should not let other people take even a single part of my happiness. It already happened and I cannot do anything about it. I have no control over what other people would think about me. I wasn't born to please them, to begin with. It's just that I wasn't able to conceive this before and I let them steal a big portion of my mind and my happiness during those times.
That's the reason why I couldn't agree when they're saying that high school life is the best. For me, a BIG NO, it's really the worst.
It was not them, it was me that let them affect me. At least I made them laugh, I made them happy everytime they make fun of me. Who knows, they really needed it that time. At least, I helped.
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