Friday, 14 November 2014

30 Day Blogging Challenge: Day 25: Your Biggest Regret

"We only regret the chances we didn't take."

I don't have any regrets from the past, because I believe that everything that has happened was for a good cause. I am where I am now, because this is where I intended to be. I am who I am now, because this is how I should be. I don't have regrets for something that I did in the past, because for once in my life I became so happy, though the ending wasn't always favorable.

If there's one regret in my life, it would be something that I didn't do. I had the chance and didn't take it. Last night, I was thinking what I'm going to write about this subject, and I can't think of any. As I have read on twitter, "if you are living with regrets, you were living in the past." And as much as possible I didn't want to live with regrets, as I've said, everything happens for a good reason. 

But, while I was thinking last night, one thing came to my mind. This is something that happened over a year ago. Something I wish I could have done. 

Last April 27,2013, together with my friend, we met at the mall because supposedly, we're going to get our TIN numbers. But unfortunately, we weren't able to get (with the reason I can't remember). Afterwards, we went to a fast food chain to have our lunch, and then we did some catching up and then we went home. That night of the same day, after we had our dinner, while I was sitting and checking on my iPod, my father sat beside me and asked me where I went that day. I answered him with disrespect. A few minutes after that, he asked me again the same question. So, I then answered him again inappropriately with an annoyed tone. He's saying something, but I didn't pay attention and I was still overly focused on my iPod. He already left after not getting proper response from me.


Early morning of the following day, I woke up with the voice of my mother panicking and asking what's going on with my father, why he looked that way. He was unable to speak, and he can barely walk. One part of his body was paralyzed. With the aid of my brother and my cousin, they walked him through the car and brought him to the hospital. He got a stroke. He was hospitalized for one week, he wasn't able to utter even a single word and he wasn't able to even sit on his own. 

He got home after one week of hospitalization, his half body was still paralyzed. He did some therapy, but it didn't help a lot so it stopped. Days passed and he's still in the same condition. Unable to talk, unable to walk. It came to a point where he didn't want to eat anymore and he only drinks milk. And then he became so weak. 

One night, when he's about to drink his milk, my mom woke him up, but he's not opening his eyes. I was about to sleep that time. But then I get up, I saw my mom doing her best just to wake him up and made him open his eyes while my sister was sprinkling him some lukewarm water. Fortunately, the car of my cousin was just around, that's why they easily got him to the hospital. 
He was then hospitalized. He was brought to the Intensive Care Unite that night. The morning after that, my sister went home and told me that my father was in the ICU. While we were eating because we're about to go to the hospital, my mom called my sister and told her that we should go there as soon as we can, together with my brother. 

A few minutes after we arrived at the hospital, the doctor came out of the room and told us the worst thing that we could ever hear. He told us that my father hadn't already responded to what he did. He used flashlight to check my father's eyes, and supposedly, someone who's been hit by a light should be moving his eyes, a way of responding. But my father didn't. A sign that he already gave up.

We really never saw that coming. It was too sudden. 

Know what my biggest regret was, it's not talking to him in the most appropriate way a daughter should talk to her father. I didn't have any idea that, that was the last time I will be hearing a fatherly-kind of question like that. 

As the saying goes, "nasa huli talaga ang pagsisisi." Always. I know it was excessively late for me to realize those things. And no matter how much I want to go back to that night, I know I can't. I don't intend to go back to that night and change the way I talked to him just because I know he will be gone soon, but, I want to change that because he really doesn't deserve that kind of treatment.

It was a lesson learned the hard way. While we still have the chance, let's be kind to our parents and let us give them the love and respect that they genuinely deserve. Their love for us were unconditional that's why we should also love them unconditionally. That's the very least we can do.

That was biggest chance that I regret I didn't take. I wish I became a good daughter to him same way how good he was to us. I wish I wasn't so stubborn to him while he was here. I wish I talked to him in a respectful way. Because he's the best father that any child would be so lucky to have so he doesn't deserve to be treated unkindly. And no parent deserves to be treated unkindly.

Eventually, I have learned that we really cannot change the past no matter how much we want to. All that's left for us was regret. All we can do is to just focus on what is happening right now. Just live in the moment. 

If only I can go back......

"If I could get another chance
Another walk another dance with him
I play a song that would never never end
How I love love love to dance with my father again"

***credits to: Pinterest, and to the sole owner of the photos from WeHeartIt website***

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