Tuesday, 18 November 2014

30 Day Blogging Challenge: Day 30: My Hopes For My Blog

Yahoo. I'm down to my last day. (Shower confetti her)

I know that I will be able to complete this challenge, but I never thought I would be able to finish this without any absences. Hurray for me right?  

First time I wrote here was entirely because of complete boredom. My first entry here was about how to relieve stress. From the title itself you can assume that I'm really stressed that time. Those were the times that I was too down and I'm looking for something that I can divert my attention. And I saw some posts on twitter about their own blogs. And so I thought of giving it a try. 

It's really not my thing to read blogs. It was only recently that I found myself into that. I only read when I find the topic interesting. 

It was July last year when I had my first entry, then it was followed only this year. Simply because I am too lazy to write and I don't have any interesting topic to write about. And  while I was looking for for some planner layouts on Pinterest, I saw this "30 Day Blogging Challenge." So I thought of doing it.

And here.... I am down to my last day.

By doing this blog, I hope I will be able to share something and somehow be able to inspire someone out there in my own little way. I hope that through writing, I will  be able to learn some new words and eventually I will be just like some editors on magazines who possess that really good writing skills. I know I won't be able to actually be like them, I only wish to have even just 25% of their ability or even just 10%, if it's not too much to ask. I just want to be a writer and I hope that this would be the kickoff of the career that I really wanted to pursue. I hope that someone out there would notice my writings and he/she can yield me some techniques and guidelines on how to enhance my writing skills. I just really want to be a professional one.

Before, I was hoping for a hundred reads, I thought it was impossible. But, through sharing my web address, I just got more than what I asked for. Thank you to those who read my blog and I hope that I will still be able to get tons of page views. 

Thank you from the bottom of my hypothalamus glands. 

***Thank you's to: Pinterest, livelovesimple.com WeHeartIt and to the owner of the photo I used***

30 Day Blogging Challenge: Day 29: A Confession

Confession.... What am I going to confess? I am a very secretive person. It's not my thing to share. Really. Hence, for this one, I think I will be forced to give one. One that is not too personal, merely for the sake of fulfilling the 29th day. 

Seriously, I can't think of anything to share. I'm really super private and I just think that no one is really interested about something I want to share.

Okay. I already said to myself that I don't want to blab about this matter anymore. But, for the sake of this (again), let me share this confession to you. 

I have a childhood crush that up to this very moment I still wasn't sure about what I really felt for him. He was my classmate from first to fourth grade. I guess some of our classmates knew it. Then I transferred to another school during my fifth grade. So, eventually, we parted ways. But I admit, I still have a crush on him even though I didn't see him that often. When I was in high school, this feeling of mine becomes more mature. Everytime I see him, when we went there during vacation and he was also there, I just felt so nervous. I don't know where it all came from. 

I felt completely awkward when he's around. But I just got too loud when he's around. I suppose he knew that I have a crush on him, mainly the reason why I didn't dare to talk to him or I didn't get too close to him. Simply because I don't want him to say that I'm really into him. I'm a still young lady and I know how to behave as one. And our generation was about, "yes, I have a crush on you, but that was it, it was just a feeling, nothing more, nothing less. You don't have to do anything about it." It was just a childish thing.

I can say that I distanced myself from him. I didn't come near him or talk to him, except when we were in a group. I was only waiting for him to talk and approach me first. Since our houses were near to one another, we can see each other most of the time. But that was before. When I see him in a place that I supposed to go, I just stopped myself from going there. I really avoid him that time, I think, but we sometimes play together with my cousins. And I was secretly looking at him when he was afar. That's why he said to my cousin that I was too crabbed, that's why he wouldn't dare to talk to me. 

We may be classmates, but we were just friends in school. I'm really not that comfortable when he was around. I was aware of the girls that he had crushes on,  and it's also clear as a crystal that I am not one of them. One of his crushes was my bestfriend. Since we became classmates, he's very into her. I think they threw a "mutual understanding" when they were in the fifth grade. I wasn't there already, that's why I don't know what actually happened. I just got the news from my cousin who happens to be their classmate. I'm really aware of his crushes and I sometimes tease him to them, yeah, that's how supportive I was.

Though we were not already classmates, I sometimes hear some news about him from my cousin. She told me that he has an eye for someone I also knew, because she happens to be one of our relatives (I think). We were high school when I found about that matter. To cut the story short and since I don't want to talk about them because I really don't have anything to say about them, I think they became a couple. I don't know if until now they were still together. 

So here's my confession, since I became hooked with these different social networking sites, one of the few persons that I first searched and added was him. It was in Friendster, when I first added him and left a comment on his profile. Because that was the trend before, posting testimonials. I first remarked on his page anonymously, but eventually he found out that it was me because I then changed my name. But it was only a short conversation. Then, it was Facebook. Nobody knows that I had two accounts, not until today. I added him and sent him a message. He replied to my first message, in fairness to him. I didn't know if he had any idea that it was me. I used different name and the picture I had there was different. Nobody can tell that it was my account. And so I asked him some random questions. I asked him if he and that girl were already a couple, he answered no, because she still wasn't allowed to have one. That was four years ago, I think. The thing about that is, it became clear to me that he is really into her. I unfriended him when I already got the answer that I'm dying to know and since he's not already responding to any of my questions after that convo. I unfriended him from my two accounts. I know it was too childish. 

It's hard to admit that up to this very moment, I'm still waiting for him to approach me. Up to this moment I still get affected everytime I hear his name. I must admit. Because his name was too mainstream that's why I can hear and read his name just out of nowhere.

Up to this point of time, I still wasn't sure of what I truly felt for him. Only one thing is for sure, I don't want to see him or hear anything from him until the day that I can really say to myself that what I felt for him was just nothing. That this was only some kind of infatuation, that's it, nothing more nothing less. Time will come that I will be totally over him. 

At the beginning, I said that what I'm going to confess was not too personal, but the farthest I write, I just realized that this is something personal. But I've already come this far to stop. I will just finish what I started. And I know he won't read this, that's why I have the guts. 

I need to promise myself that this will be the last time that I'm going to talk about him. I have already accepted the fact that he was just another picture to burn. 

"Somewhere down the road, our roads are gonna cross again it doesn't really matter when."

***credits to: Pinterest, livelovesimple.com and sole owners of the photos I used from WeHeartIt website***

Sunday, 16 November 2014

30 Day Blogging Challenge: Day 28: Most Embarrassing Moment


Every moment in my life was embarrassing. LOL. Just kidding. 

I really had numerous of bloopers in my life and it was all totally embarrassing. You know the feeling when you really want to get away and never come back at all. The feels.

Of all the embarrassing moments that happened in my life, this one that I'm going to share here was totally the worst one.

This happened when I was still in high school. Fourth year high school to be exact. That moment when I already want to drop out. Everytime that I went to school was a torture that time. I had a professor who belongs to the third sex, as to where he categorizes himself. He was also my professor when I was in my second year. But he was so serious that time, that everytime he gets into our classroom, none of us dares to talk. That's how terror he was. But when he became my professor in my fourth year, something has changed. Yes, he was still the terror type, but, that time, he already throws some jokes and make fun of his students. And I was one of the "victim."

One time, we were taking our exam and he was roaming around to check whoever is copying from one another. And abruptly, he stopped when he was beside me and held some strand of my hair. And he said, "kelan ang libing," so my classmates laugh after hearing that, after they got what he's trying to convey. I must admit that my hair that time was actually bad. The aftermath of rebonding, so you might as well can imagine what it looks like. And I'm not wearing any ponytail way back then. My hair really looks so terrible and I can't blame him and my classmates for making fun of it. It looks so dry, coarse and thick, it was really a total mess. It was a complete and total disaster. So ever since then, I don't want to attend his class anymore. I began to hate Tuesdays. Our subject was Economics and we only meet every Tuesdays and Thursdays, but we have two meetings every Tuesday cause our class was a whole day so we take in two meetings, morning and afternoon. Everytime he goes into our classroom, I always prepared myself that he and my classmates will be making fun of me again. And I will be again become the center of their attention. I was constantly praying for his absence. That's why I felt happy and relieved everytime he was absent.  He was my biggest dilemma that time, he and my classmates. Simply by seeing them, I already felt total awkwardness.

That was the time that I really felt embarrassed. I actually felt bad about myself. Everytime I go to school, not only in his class, was a torture. I always pray that the school days would end already so that I can already graduate and he cannot make fun of me anymore and I would be out of sight by my classmates. I may only see him twice a week, but I constantly saw my classmates everyday of my fourth year high school life. The reason why I already want to quit school.

I truly hate to be the center of attention. With whatever reason it is, I actually don't want the attention of others to be focused on me. Ever since then, I lost my confidence and every time I entered our classroom, I always think that their attention was in me and they were always laughing behind me. They proved me that not all the people who act nice in front of me was really nice, they may act nicely, but they would still end up laughing at me everytime they are with their friends. I felt so alone that time, I felt like I have no one that I can call as a friend because they were always laughing at me. 

Everytime I saw my high school graduation picture, it reminds me of something. Because during that shoot, I heard one of my classmates shouting "David Salon" when it was my turn for a take. He kept on saying it over and over again. Luckily, I saw whose voice it was, together with my other classmate they were secretly laughing while staring at me, they may be thinking that I didn't see them laughing at me. But I did. That's why I wasn't able to smile at my best during that time. I did my best to give my best smile, but everytime I see them, I just can't and it made me wanna run and never come back. And I will never ever forget them. Everytime I see them it just reminds me of one of the toughest and most embarrassing moment in my life.

And when I entered College, the only thing that I prayed was not to have any classmate from my high school. Because I want my college days to become a fresh start, a start of something new and I just want to consider my fourth year high school days as my worst nightmare. As much as possible I don't want to run into any of my former high school classmates. I really want to forget those times. But unfortunately, destiny was really playful, one of my former high school classmates happened to be one of my classmates again in college. Like.... Seriously. Can I just forget that chapter of my life already? Can I simply move on already?

It was just recently that I learned how to choose wisely the people and battles that I'm going to give a portion of my mind. I should let go of the past. I should not let other people take even a single part of my happiness. It already happened and I cannot do anything about it. I have no control over what other people would think about me. I wasn't born to please them, to begin with. It's just that I wasn't able to conceive this before and I let them steal a big portion of my mind and my happiness during those times.

That's the reason why I couldn't agree when they're saying that high school life is the best. For me, a BIG NO, it's really the worst.

It was not them, it was me that let them affect me. At least I made them laugh, I made them happy everytime they make fun of me. Who knows, they really needed it that time. At least, I helped. 

***credits to: Pinterest, livelovesimple.com and WeHeartIt.com***

Saturday, 15 November 2014

30 Day Blogging Challenge: Day 27: What's In Your Closet

I was down to my last three days of this blogging challenge. True enough that time flies real fast when you are having a good time.

So.....What's in my closet? Obviously, I have there variety of clothes. I have also there different bags. Some were I used when I was still in high school and some  were during college. There are also some that I bought just recently. I guess it's one of my guilty pleasures. Bags and wallets. Just like my mom. I don't know if it caught your attention, but, I have also there my Magic-8 Ball. I bought that together with two of my friends when we were yet in college. A lot of times when I don't like the answer, I kept on shaking it until I got the answer that I want. That's how it usually works for me. LOL. 
My clothes were arranged based on types. On the front-left side were all polo shirts, and on the left part were entirely shirts, which is my most preferred thing to wear. On the hind part, left part were all pants and on the right were some clothes that I wear occasionally, like blouses for a job interview, dresses that I wore on, our dedication and graduation day, and some sort of a cocktail dress that I wore when we had our event at school. My bags were all hanging there, including my belts, watches, (watches were given to me by my sister and my bestfriend in college), my coat and skirts and my favorite button-down top were also there. I have also there my "vanity kit" and the sash that was granted to us during our dedication day. I also have there a box, containing different things like, comb, note pad, a bible, mini notebooks and my passport. 

When you open the door of my closet (left part), there are some pictures during our dedication day, together with my parents and photo booth photos with my friends. And I also put there a small mirror, simply because I want to see my face everytime I opened it. Along the right door, I stuck there variety of things. I even have the corsage that I wore during our Graduation Day, a notepad, some tags from my clothes. I have also there my "One Week Paandar" post that I did last Holy Week, I challenged myself, not to check my Fb, Twitter and Instagram account for one week. Fortunately, I was able to do the challenge until the last day. If you saw that red and green thing below, it's a flower made by Elijah. It was made out of colored papers. It was given to me without any reason, just random stuff that he sometimes does. And I forget to mention that I have also there my New Year's Resolution for this year. I actually don't do that thing before because I know I won't be able to fulfill that. It was only last 2013 when I started doing it. I just got nothing to do, that's why I think of doing it. Also the "I made it" sign that I was holding during our graduation pictorial.

And that was the content of my closet. I really want my closet to be always organized because I detest it when I'm in a rush and wasn't able to find that specific thing that I need to bring. I as well find my closet as my own space, aside from my bed. It's the sole thing in our house that I can call my own, I was able to put there everything that I want to, like the photos that I have there (because no one dares to open it, except when my sister gets my umbrella). It's really my dream to have a walk-in closet that's why I want to have a house of my own. Because I want to keep all my belongings organized so that I can easily find them when I needed them, and simply because I don't desire to see my things not organized, it's really not appealing to my eyes, that's why I need a bigger space of my own. 

***credits to: Pinterest and livelovesimple.com***

30 Day Blogging Challenge: Day 26: Your Hidden Talent

When God showered the gifts of talent, I think my umbrella was open widely, or maybe, I was in my deepest slumber. Which is why, I didn't catch any. Seriously. I don't want to brag about something I didn't have. 

I used to dance when I was in grade school. Because that time, they have no choice, we solely had one section every grade. And I was an active student back when I was in my elementary. And eventually, I have witnessed a true performance. And I feel embarrassed about myself. I supposed that I was best in dancing, but then I witnessed a true performance, I feel embarrassed and belittle myself. Like, seriously. So, ever since then, I realized that they only got no option, that's why they let me dance. Hahaha. Sorry. I know I should not belittle what I can do, but I can't help but share.

I can be a total performer, as long as nobody's watching. Or I am in the shower room. Yeah. 

My singing voice was also not acceptable by many. Only for myself. LOL. I knew it, because every time I am singing at the top of my lungs, my mother always tells me to stop. And she thinks that it's my way of having tantrums. But I'm used to that. That's why I have already stopped from that doing. 

I think my hidden talent is still hidden and not yet discovered. I'm still waiting for the right time that hopefully, I will be able to discover even one.

I really don't want to talk about something I am not sure of. I am not that confident talking about that things. I'm just going to leave it to other people to decide on what they see in me that they can consider as my talent. What if I say something which I considered as talent but others don't find it as one. It would only make myself shameful. 

Let's just say it's just my way of being humble. LOL

***credits to: Pinterest and livelovesimple.com***

Friday, 14 November 2014

30 Day Blogging Challenge: Day 25: Your Biggest Regret

"We only regret the chances we didn't take."

I don't have any regrets from the past, because I believe that everything that has happened was for a good cause. I am where I am now, because this is where I intended to be. I am who I am now, because this is how I should be. I don't have regrets for something that I did in the past, because for once in my life I became so happy, though the ending wasn't always favorable.

If there's one regret in my life, it would be something that I didn't do. I had the chance and didn't take it. Last night, I was thinking what I'm going to write about this subject, and I can't think of any. As I have read on twitter, "if you are living with regrets, you were living in the past." And as much as possible I didn't want to live with regrets, as I've said, everything happens for a good reason. 

But, while I was thinking last night, one thing came to my mind. This is something that happened over a year ago. Something I wish I could have done. 

Last April 27,2013, together with my friend, we met at the mall because supposedly, we're going to get our TIN numbers. But unfortunately, we weren't able to get (with the reason I can't remember). Afterwards, we went to a fast food chain to have our lunch, and then we did some catching up and then we went home. That night of the same day, after we had our dinner, while I was sitting and checking on my iPod, my father sat beside me and asked me where I went that day. I answered him with disrespect. A few minutes after that, he asked me again the same question. So, I then answered him again inappropriately with an annoyed tone. He's saying something, but I didn't pay attention and I was still overly focused on my iPod. He already left after not getting proper response from me.


Early morning of the following day, I woke up with the voice of my mother panicking and asking what's going on with my father, why he looked that way. He was unable to speak, and he can barely walk. One part of his body was paralyzed. With the aid of my brother and my cousin, they walked him through the car and brought him to the hospital. He got a stroke. He was hospitalized for one week, he wasn't able to utter even a single word and he wasn't able to even sit on his own. 

He got home after one week of hospitalization, his half body was still paralyzed. He did some therapy, but it didn't help a lot so it stopped. Days passed and he's still in the same condition. Unable to talk, unable to walk. It came to a point where he didn't want to eat anymore and he only drinks milk. And then he became so weak. 

One night, when he's about to drink his milk, my mom woke him up, but he's not opening his eyes. I was about to sleep that time. But then I get up, I saw my mom doing her best just to wake him up and made him open his eyes while my sister was sprinkling him some lukewarm water. Fortunately, the car of my cousin was just around, that's why they easily got him to the hospital. 
He was then hospitalized. He was brought to the Intensive Care Unite that night. The morning after that, my sister went home and told me that my father was in the ICU. While we were eating because we're about to go to the hospital, my mom called my sister and told her that we should go there as soon as we can, together with my brother. 

A few minutes after we arrived at the hospital, the doctor came out of the room and told us the worst thing that we could ever hear. He told us that my father hadn't already responded to what he did. He used flashlight to check my father's eyes, and supposedly, someone who's been hit by a light should be moving his eyes, a way of responding. But my father didn't. A sign that he already gave up.

We really never saw that coming. It was too sudden. 

Know what my biggest regret was, it's not talking to him in the most appropriate way a daughter should talk to her father. I didn't have any idea that, that was the last time I will be hearing a fatherly-kind of question like that. 

As the saying goes, "nasa huli talaga ang pagsisisi." Always. I know it was excessively late for me to realize those things. And no matter how much I want to go back to that night, I know I can't. I don't intend to go back to that night and change the way I talked to him just because I know he will be gone soon, but, I want to change that because he really doesn't deserve that kind of treatment.

It was a lesson learned the hard way. While we still have the chance, let's be kind to our parents and let us give them the love and respect that they genuinely deserve. Their love for us were unconditional that's why we should also love them unconditionally. That's the very least we can do.

That was biggest chance that I regret I didn't take. I wish I became a good daughter to him same way how good he was to us. I wish I wasn't so stubborn to him while he was here. I wish I talked to him in a respectful way. Because he's the best father that any child would be so lucky to have so he doesn't deserve to be treated unkindly. And no parent deserves to be treated unkindly.

Eventually, I have learned that we really cannot change the past no matter how much we want to. All that's left for us was regret. All we can do is to just focus on what is happening right now. Just live in the moment. 

If only I can go back......

"If I could get another chance
Another walk another dance with him
I play a song that would never never end
How I love love love to dance with my father again"

***credits to: Pinterest, livelovesimple.com and to the sole owner of the photos from WeHeartIt website***

Thursday, 13 November 2014

30 Day Blogging Challenge: Day 24: What Attracts You (In Love)

"Love is not a noun to be defined, but a verb to be acted upon."


Actually, I've never been in love before. I only have love for my family and for my friends. But to a certain individual, I have none. I was just in love with the idea of "in love", way back then. And, I came to a point that I profoundly understand the true meaning of love. And, eventually I realized that there's a huge difference between affection, infatuation and love. And what I thought was already "love" before, was actually just a form of affection and infatuation. Nothing is to be taken seriously.

Before, my idea of love was entirely focused on physical characteristics. But, as I grow older, I have understood the true meaning of love. People fall in love that easy, same way as they can fall out of love in the easiest way possible. One day they were too in love with one another, but the next day there were too much hateful feelings they have with one another. That's how love goes these days. People were just too in love with the idea of falling in love. Saying I Love You these days is just like saying the word "hi." They can say I love you to anyone, anytime but didn't mean it. 

That's why I don't believe that true love still exists nowadays. Today, it's barely an idea, but there's already no such thing. 

I have never been in love that's why I don't have any idea on what draws me towards love. But, here's my idea of what I think could attract me. Even before, I already said this, I want to meet someone who is exactly my opposite. I just want to prove that opposites really do attract. I want someone who has different interests than mine; someone who views life in a different perspective than mine. I want someone who will contradict me with the decision I make, and the things I say, but I know it's for my own betterment. Not just somebody who's going to agree with whatever I'm going to say just for me to feel good about myself, though there is something that needs to be improved. I want someone to be honest with me no matter how hard he thinks it is for me to handle the truth, not the one who will soothe me with lies. For me, "honesty is really the best policy." 

I want to meet someone who is really kind-hearted, not just the one who's kind because he is in front of many people. Person who is family-oriented, the one who is kind to his family. As they say, charity begins at home. And I believe that if he is kind to his family, he's going to treat other people appropriately. 

But, of course, physical features also matters to me. I don't want to play plastic here, so I will be honest and say that I want someone who is equally good looking as Ryan Guzman; as neat as how Liam Hemsworth looks. As swag as Zac Efron and Adam Levine. With a sense of humor like Lee Min Ho's role on his past series, The Heirs. And as mysterious as how Ian Somerhalder, Channing Tatum and Ryan Gosling looks. 

You can say that I really have high standards when it comes to love, because I really do. When I say love, I'm talking about long-terms and not simply for a short span of time. I want someone who's going to genuinely love me just as I am, not someone I will need to impress with everything that I do for everyday of my life. Which I doubt there's someone out there possesses that kind of qualities that I cited above. 

Just in case that there is somebody out there destined for me, I know, it's impossible that he possesses all of the qualities and characteristics that I have said. And I know, at the end, God does not give us the people we want, instead He gives us the people we need, for us to be a person He desires us to be. And I have read this somewhere, we don't get to choose who are we going to fall in love, because it is an emotion that we instantly feel and there's no way we can hold it back.

I already closed the possibility that there is someone out there destined for me, and as I've mentioned earlier, I don't believe that true love still exists nowadays. But, there's still a part of me that is open to the idea of meeting someone who will prove me wrong with what I strongly believed in. Just someone who will be able to make feel like Rihanna, like I'm the only girl in the world. 

So... Whoever that "someone" might be, let's just enjoy our own time and our own personal lives separately. So that when the right time comes and we will be meeting each other, we have so much  to talk and share about. But for now, let's just be happy being in our own different worlds. 

Nobody knows who that "someone" is and if there is really that "someone." 

But who knows, it might be you! 

Just kidding.............................

(I think this is the longest that I wrote here, so far. Inspired???? Naaahhhh)

***credits to: Pinterest, livelovesimple.com and WeHeartIt.com and to the sole owners of the photos***